Siberian Sillyness and False Starts

So I haven't had Internet so I haven't blogged. We're not dead, we're just slow and a bit cold. I left you last time en route to the start line. That seemed to be the easiest journey of the lot.

We got to Irbit and partied hard for a couple of days, got cold, and picked up our bikes. If I had written this at the right time, I would have been telling you how awesome the bikes were. Our steed named Riskiana is a wonder to behold. However she is a bitch whatever way we treat her. We took her on the ice rink and she behaved immaculately. We were sliding round corners, doing donuts and getting a feel for her. But what should have been a big red flag was when returning to the hanger she lost all power and was running or rather not running on one cylinder. We got towed the 500m back and the mechanics simply adjusted the idle and said it was all good. We have experience of Adventurists mechanics and should have known better.

Regardless we we're ready for the off on the 13th. Although promised an early start, after doing some television interviews (we are quite famous in Siberia randomly) getting the bikes that couldn't even start fixed, we were ready to leave at 2pm.

By 4pm we had broken down and it was the same problem. Complete power loss. Of the ten teams, 5 (including us) had decided to take one route (going west) and the other 5 had chosen to go East. A shorter but slightly more difficult approach. We would then both bow north and meet in priobe before taking just zimniks (ice roads) north into the Arctic and Salekhard.

As we had no power we got a tow from one of the teams and as a convey en masse we decided to camp in the Siberian wilderness having completed only 70km. It was amazing to sleep in the ice fields that I can assure you. When we woke the next morning though our tent looked more like an igloo. Ice crystals had covered everything not in the sleeping bag and it was freezing. The mercury read -30 and I had never been colder. We needed to get a fire going or we would be gonners. Fire came courtesy of Eric, Fish and myself. It was a beauty. We painfully defrosted ourselves, packed up and was ready to go. Our bike miraculously started and we headed off. We decided we needed a mechanic as we could only go half an hour before more engine troubles. We pulled into a small village, then oiling get going again so after enough hand gesturing pushed the bike to a mechanic who's wife fed and watered us but he could only get us started again however he couldn't fix the original problem. We then got moving again having effectively wasted half a day and then found a mechanic at the next town. He was more skilled and seemingly fixed our problem as Riskiana sounded in much ruder health. The kids though loved us and we entertained and got entertained in equal measure. We decided to get to the next big town and get a place to stay all ready for a big day the following morning. The hotel owner was also the mayor and we exchanged guitar riffs in his office and seemed to get a discount as another amazing welcome was given to the now three crazy foreigners on Urals.

After a meal of kebab and chips, an encounter with a crazy drunk, we had an early night. This morning our bikes wouldn't start. We push started Riskiana but Eric's beast seemed dead. We tried to tow but thought it best to see another mechanic as this town was big. I'm writing this is a Russian halfords, but one run by 5 amazing girls who have fed us and taken us in as we are waiting for the mechanic to turn up at 3pm. At present Salekhard seems an impossible dream. We need working Urals but as any traveller would tell you it's not the destination but the journey. And this is already looking Incaredible.

Moscow mules, moves, and moods

Priviad Comrades,

Well we made it, that is to Russia! Which given the paperwork and planning that has been involved in itself is no mean feat. I'm writing this on a bus (definitely without sidecar) but we'll get to that later.

So me and my comrade Fish met up in Moscow. Now i haven't seen this boy since i left him sleeping outside MacDonald's in Lima airport last May but he hasn't changed a bit, and I'm thankful for that.

I had been given directions to a cafe by our lovely hosts which was near the train station where the airport express terminated. The directions weren't bad, but not understanding Russian or being able to decipher Cyrillic, I quickly realised navigation was gonna be a problem. How are we going to find a small town in the Arctic Circle when i cant find my partner in crime in Moscow? Of course I used a luxury that i cant rely on which was a phone. I eventually found him (Ok he eventually found me) in a cafe with two lovely local Russian ladies Elena and Anya drinking wine giggling and having a good time. I quickly put a stop to that as my 20kg bag landed on the floor with a thud.

Elena was our couch surfing host and she ushered us out of the cafe to her place. I think it was then, that I realised how cold it was, but I had my jacket on and I was toastie except my face.
Fish of course was wearing what looked like next to nothing. His bag was 10 kg (how does that work?) and of course he didn't look like he'd done a 20 hr journey from the land of Oz. God - you can't help but hate him sometimes ;-P

We decided rather than make Elena cook for us as she had gracefully offered, we'd do the decent foreign thing and have a Maccy Ds. We opted for a take away and Fish has his first ever big mac (wtf!!!). Our culinary habits might be of interest but I think not, and I promise I won't be itemising every meal we have hereon in unless truly weird. But this was a mad physics experiment as within five minutes of walking out of Ronald's abode, the two cokes we had brought had frozen solid. This was something neither of us had seen and put the seriousness of the task in hand into context....of course we just pissed ourselves!!

We had an excellent two days in Moscow where we got some sight seeing done, met some wonderful people (Elena and Alina and their friends), showed we can handle the cold better than the locals by wearing a lot less. and managed to look hopeless on the ice rink but awesome on the dance floor. One thing we know is that we can't wait to return to Moscow to tell our story of the next few weeks to new friends.

So where are we now? Well look to the left and you should see the moving Incaredibles sign as it hurtles to Irbit. We're almost there and it's been a long day which started well (waking up in time), threatened to turn out terrible -the flight was going to go without us even though we checked in on time as the bag drop queue was so long and unregulated. What followed was collective begging and eyelash fluttering and foreign accent pushing until we were involved in a mad rush 5 mins before take off with our check in luggage still in tow going through carry on security, needless to say we werent popular with airport staff or pasengers and i have already lost a glove in the mellee. We now hope to finish in a past out state on low quality Vodka, and meet the other teams (we have met Ice Ice Maye on the bus, and they seem the right sorts)

This is the first on road blog entry so I apologise for the mundane tone. But remember wherever The Incaredibles go, drama inevitably follows.

Paca

Avi Incaredible

Right then! Lets get this show on the ice

So I have been crap...Yes I admit it! I've not blogged. my fundraising effort has been minimal (although thank you to everyone who has donated thus far), media exposure arranging has been nil, and I've not even trained as I should have over the last couple of weeks.

But as we know the first step to redemption, is to admit the error of your ways first. And now baby I'm back...back with a vengeance I hope. There is one small problem!

I'm off tomorrow, so rather than catch up and make amends for past ills, I'm looking forward and I just hope I can get enough Internet access over the next 20 days to give you regular updates on the most terrifying and exhilarating thing I have ever attempted to do.

So lets catch up first on where i left off, and let you know whats been happening over the last few months etc...

The Challenge




Well that's simple. You take an old Soviet motorcycle with sidecar called a Ural (like one from the right but older), take it from the factory in Irbit, and drive it approximately 2500 km Northish through Siberia into the Arctic Circle to a place called Salekhard in the winter when everything is frozen, and no one dares to go out. Oh yeah there's no backup and these things break down a lot plus its a little nippy outside too.


The Partner

So when I came back from Peru, everyone loved the video, asked how I got on with Moira and Adam (both were amazing) and then often said the following "I would love to do something like that but I don't know anyone who'd do it with me". So you'd think when it came to finding a partner for The Ice Run, it would be a doddle. Think again! But I don't blame you all really. And to be honest, there's no one I'd rather be stuck in a blizzard with than the cool and composed Mr Kristan Fischer opposite. Yes he might be the coolest man on the planet (yes that's his very own helicopter ladies, and yes he does teach Salsa too) but he's also my mechanic, navigator, cook, translator, resident Aussie, and all round great buddy too. And we ladies and gentlemen are going to have the mother of all "badentures" as only he can put it.

The Training


Training, what training I hear you cry. Well I have been doing something. Like What? is the normal response. So I have been lucky enough to meet probably one of the hardest men on the planet. And he has become something of an inspiration, my man crush is on Captain James Hooley, who was the first man to trek solo to the magnetic North Pole in the Polar challenge race. He's advised me on what to expect, and how to handle the ever changing face of the tundra. He's also lent me plenty of useful kit too.

So after first meeting the polar bear slayer, I started to do all manner of strange things over the winter. The first was initially easy and then increasingly difficult which was to not wear a coat. Simple really, but frightfully cold without a beer jacket to help. The second thing was to take cold showers. This really was a killer. Initially a shower would last around 20 seconds, but over time, I conquered the fear and pain and can now happily stand under the shower (with no hot water whatsoever) indefinitely. I have cheated a few times, but that's been mostly down to hangovers, and being simply dirty.

I've also done the below, which was a little mad. Anyway, I'm hoping some preparation has kept me in good stead for future surprises.

The Gear

Baselayer

• Talus cold avenger mask
• Scott ski goggles
• Helly Hansen odin baselayer top
• Helly Hansen odin baselayer bottoms
• Icebreaker merino wool liner gloves
• Bridgedale sock liner
• Suunto Vector XBlack watch

Midlayer

• Helly Hansen sailing bib
• Craghoppers corey fleece
• Craghoppers winter lined kiwi trousers
• Terra Nova Extremities power stretch gloves
• Outdoor Research Extravert gloves

                     

Outerlayers

• Rab Expedition Salopettes
• Rab Expedition Jacket
• Rab Windsuit
• Brenig Mitts

Other Gear

• Sleeping bag - Nanok Performance -45
• Tent - Mountain Hardwear trango 2.1
• Stove - Primus Omnilite
• Multitool - Leatherman Charge tti 

I think that's most of it, i'll try to update and add links to most of these as well as some pics.

So basically now i'm almost packed, flying of to moscow tomorrow morning and am kinda bricking it. Sometimes when everyone shows so much concern for your well being, you question whether you are doing the right thing. I'm honestly not sure, but I can't wait, and there is no pulling out now

Here's a trailer of what we hope its all going to be about. So please visit often and find out where in Siberia we are as we try and make it to the Arctic 

До свидания друзья

The Incaredibles will be back.........in The Ice Run

Well well well....hardly a Pisco sour has been consumed in triumph since we made it back from all that Peru had to throw at us, but by jove, another Adventure has been signed up for and the planning begins.

What on earth are you doing now, I can hear you all thinking whilst tutting (go on, admit it!).....Well this is hard....very hard in fact, and dangerous, and scary. And since it's just the two us here;if I am to be perfectly honest, I'm not too sure about this one at all.....not at all:-(

Oh, I havent said what it is yet....well....it's THE ICE RUN   (dum, dum dum is the music that should accompany the horrible graphics above).

Ok, The Ice Run involves me and a partner waiting until its winter, going to Siberia, picking up a motorbike. Not any old one but an old russian one called "A Ural". These bikes have sidecars (you know like Two Fat Ladies or Walace and Gromit) and are based on the 1940s BMW R71.

We will then take this beast and drive the shit out of them no doubt all the way to a finish point in the Arctic Cicle over frozen lake, ice road and river. This will be about 1500km north and take two weeks....sounds easy no?.....well the real kicker is that its bloody cold.....and when i say bloody cold, i mean fucking cold. -20 degrees! sound cold enough for you....well thats the temp at the warmest point, the southern start of the race. when we finish, well the temperature could be anything up to -60 degree celsius.....Brrrrr...it's enough to make your piss freeze.... whilst its in your member.

OK...the sharper ones amongst you may have noticed that this is two person challenge so who from the incaredibles is making it and who's staying home alone like Macauley Culkin?? All to be revealed soon

Happy xmas